CHADD Meeting – June 14th – Jesse Wagenberg

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The twice exceptional individual – intellectually gifted, with ADHD – continues to be an enigma, even within the field of ADHD.  Because they successfully compensate for their hidden difficulties – at great emotional cost – their issues rarely come to the fore.  These children have come to internalize a self-image revolving around astounding potential confounded by an in ability to realize it.  That undermining discrepancy is psychically devastating for a teen to understand, accept or own.  The conflictual sense of self inherent in this discrepancy is creates an intensity of shame specific to the twice-exceptional individual; indeed, they are unable to accept responsibility for perceived failures they cannot comprehend.  In addition, significant delays in emotional growth thwart development of the ability for introspection necessary to accurately interpret or report their inner experience.

This demoralizing conundrum gradually manifests in their distorted assumption that everyone holds them responsible for that discrepancy, and that they disappoint others even more than they disappoint themselves.  To deny being the perpetrators of their own despair, they defend themselves by forcing their words into the mouths of others.  Unfortunately, projecting their self-loathing does not free them from self-condemnation.  The alleged crime of their families and other members of the support network is reflecting back the teen’s distorted recriminations. Nonetheless, these feelings result in strained resentments and isolation fueled by misunderstanding.

The above sheds some light as to why we are rarely permitted a glimpse into the emotional experiences that haunt these children.  However, I myself am a twice-exceptional 26-year-old young man with a unique vantage point.  As a result of having a parent in the field, I received the benefits of every early intervention, as well as a relatively sophisticated understanding of the literature.  In addition, I have worked in a psychiatric hospital, bearing witness to children and teens struggling with crippling shame.  Having lived it, learned it and observed it, I am finally able to articulate the academic complexities of this dilemma while embracing the emotionally wrenching truth.

Do I want to expose my own incredibly painful journey in order to illuminate the hidden dangers to psyche and soul, so that others may benefit from my experience?

Awkwardly enough, yes.

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