Harold Robert Meyer | The ADD Resource Center 08/17/2025 Reviewed 8/16/2025
Listen to understand, rather than to reply.
The first day of kindergarten can stir excitement, anxiety, and plenty of emotions—for you and your child. What you say in those first moments can have a lasting impact on how your child views school and transitions. This article explores six phrases to avoid on the first day of kindergarten and explains why they may unintentionally increase stress or fear. More importantly, you’ll learn what you can say instead to foster resilience, confidence, and a smooth start. Parents of children with ADHD or heightened sensitivity will especially benefit from these strategies, as they reinforce calm routines and positive communication.
Transitions are hard for many children, and for those with ADHD or similar attention and regulation challenges, the first day of kindergarten can feel like stepping into another world. Your words are powerful—they can either soothe your child’s nerves or intensify them. Although adults may dismiss simple phrases as harmless, children often interpret language literally and emotionally.
By being intentional about your words, you can:
Educators, caregivers, and ADHD professionals know that thoughtful communication creates security and success in young learners. Harold Meyer of the ADD Resource Center emphasizes the importance of using language that empowers, especially during moments of transition. What you avoid saying can be just as important as what you do say, particularly when helping a child adapt to a new environment.
On the surface, this seems reasonable. But telling a child not to cry invalidates their emotions. Crying is a normal stress response to separation or uncertainty. For a child with ADHD, who may already struggle with emotional regulation, hearing “don’t cry” can feel like being told their natural feelings are wrong.
Try instead: “It’s okay to feel sad—I’ll be thinking of you today, and I can’t wait to hear about what you do when I pick you up.” This acknowledges their feelings while reinforcing reassurance and a safe reunion.
This vague phrase puts pressure on children without clear guidance. For a child who has trouble with impulse control, being told “be good” can feel overwhelming—they may not even know what it means in a new environment.
Try instead: “Remember to listen to your teacher and use gentle hands.” Offering specific, achievable expectations helps children, especially those with ADHD, succeed with concrete goals.
Even if you mean to comfort, telling a child not to be scared often has the opposite effect. It signals that fear is bad—or that the scary feelings aren’t real.
Try instead: “It’s okay to feel nervous. New things can feel big, but your teacher is excited to meet you, and you’re safe.” Validating emotions encourages self-acceptance and resilience.
Shaming language about independence can backfire. Children may feel pressure to perform beyond their readiness, which can increase anxiety and reduce their willingness to seek help when they truly need it.
Try instead: “You’re growing, and it’s okay to ask for help when you need it.” Encouraging a balance between independence and support fosters self-advocacy skills that benefit kids with ADHD long-term.
Some parents think leaving unnoticed reduces upset, but it often creates mistrust. For a child with ADHD who needs predictable structure, a disappearing parent can feel like abandonment.
Try instead: “I’m going to give you a big hug, and then I’ll go. I’ll see you after school.” Establishing a predictable goodbye builds security and a healthy transition ritual.
Meant as encouragement, this phrase can set unrealistic expectations. If the day doesn’t feel like “the best ever,” your child may feel disappointed or like they’ve failed.
Try instead: “You’re going to have new experiences today. Some things might feel fun, and some might feel different, and that’s all okay.” This reframes the day as meaningful, not pressured.
What you say to your child on the first day of kindergarten matters—but how you say it often matters even more. Children are experts at picking up on nonverbal cues such as facial expressions, tone of voice, volume, and even the tension in your posture. If your voice wavers, your smile feels forced, or you appear anxious, your child will sense the mismatch between your words and your emotions.
For example, you may say, “You’re going to be just fine,” but if you’re wringing your hands or speaking in a rushed, high-pitched tone, your child may focus on your nervous energy rather than your reassuring words. This mixed message can create confusion or amplify anxiety, especially for children with ADHD, who are often highly sensitive to shifts in tone and intensity.
Practical tips:
By aligning your words and body language, you create a coherent message of stability, reassurance, and confidence—helping your child step into this new chapter with trust and security.
The language you use on the first day of kindergarten shapes how your child perceives school, separation, and their own emotions. By avoiding dismissive or exaggerated phrases and replacing them with empathetic, clear, and supportive alternatives, you give your child a stronger foundation for success.
Children with ADHD or anxiety especially benefit from words that:
Your role isn’t to eliminate your child’s fears, but to show them they can handle them. That message supports emotional resilience from day one—and for years to come.
Disclaimer: Our content is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. While we strive for accuracy, errors or omissions may occur. Content may be generated with artificial intelligence tools, which can produce inaccuracies. Readers are encouraged to verify information independently.
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