Almost everyone who has carried extra weight for a long time has been told, in one way or another, that losing it is simply a matter of wanting it enough. Eat less. Move more. Be disciplined. The advice arrives with an unspoken accusation attached: if you haven’t done it, you must not really want to.
Approval-seeking looks harmless from outside. Inside it drives overcommitment, the reflexive yes, reluctance to ask for accommodations, and hours rehearsing conversations that ended long ago. Sorting signal from static is not a self-esteem exercise but a time-and-energy decision.
Almost no parent who says “I hate my child” is describing hatred. They are describing exhaustion, terror, shame, or the wish to be free. Your child noticed some time ago, and what they concluded is worse than what you feel. The job was never to hide it. It is to deal with it.
The standard “have a great Saturday” advice — make a list, try something new, call a friend — assumes a brain that can choose freely at 8 p.m. on an unstructured night. The ADHD brain at that hour is already chasing dopamine, and negative emotional stimulation (anger, anxiety, regret-scrolling) is often a stronger pull than mild positive options. Without naming this trap, adults with ADHD blame themselves week after week for failing at a task their neurology was never set up to win in the moment.