What steps to be taken if your young child is being bullied at school? What to do? How to do it?

​​Harold Robert Meyer | The ADD Resource Center

haroldmeyer@addrc.org     http://www.addrc.org/  

Reviewed 0​3/​01/2026 – Published 0​3/09/2026

Bullying is far more than a childhood rite of passage — it is a serious form of emotional and psychological harm that can leave lasting scars well into adulthood. Children who are bullied are at significantly higher risk of developing depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and post-traumatic stress, all of which can interfere with their ability to form healthy relationships, succeed academically, and thrive in the workplace for years to come. In the most tragic cases, the pain of relentless bullying has driven young people to take their own lives. If your child tells you they are being bullied — or if you simply suspect it — do not dismiss it, minimize it, or assume they will “toughen up” and move on. The time to act is now. Talk to your child, contact the school, document every incident, and seek professional support if needed. Your child’s future — and possibly their life — may depend on how seriously you take this moment. – Harold Meyer

This is not legal or medical advice.

If your young child is being bullied at school, focus first on safety and emotional support, then move in a calm, documented way up the school chain of command, and escalate outside the school only if the bullying continues or involves threats, serious harm, or discrimination. (understood)

Step 1: Stabilize and support your child

• Thank your child for telling you, and clearly state that the bullying is not their fault.
• Ask gentle, specific, open questions: who, what, where, when, how often, who saw it, and how it made them feel.
• Check for injuries or self-harm risk; seek medical care or emergency help if there is any sign of serious physical or emotional harm (e.g., talks of self-harm).
• Reassure them you will handle the adult parts so they are not responsible for “fixing” it.

Step 2: Document everything from day one

• Start a written log (paper or digital) with each incident: date, time, location, what happened, exact words if possible, names of aggressors, witnesses, and staff who were nearby.advocatesforchildren+2
• Save physical and digital evidence: photos of injuries or damaged property, screenshots of texts/social media, emails, and behavior notes from school
• Keep copies of every email, letter, report form, and response from the school or district; note dates and times of phone calls and meetings.

Step 3: Work with the teacher and the school

What to do (first formal step):

• For in-class bullying, request a meeting with the classroom teacher; for bullying at lunch, recess, on the bus, or online but school-related, ask to meet directly with the principal or assistant principal.
• Calmly describe the pattern using your notes, not just a single incident: “On these dates X, Y, and Z happened…”
• Ask what specific safety steps the school will take (seating changes, extra supervision, hallway/bus monitoring, separating students, checking in with your child)
• Ask for a copy of the school’s written anti-bullying policy and discipline code, and the name of the staff member who is responsible for bullying/harassment investigations (often an anti-bullying specialist, counselor, or “Respect for All”/DASA coordinator).

How to do it (communication tips):

• Follow every meeting with a brief summary email: what you reported, what the school agreed to do, and by when. (understood)
• Ask how they will document your report and how you will be informed of the outcome; in NYC, you can ask for the OORS report number when an incident is entered in the Online Occurrence Reporting System. (lawhelpny)
• Keep your tone factual and child-safety-focused, and avoid threats at this stage; it tends to yield better results and leaves a clean paper trail. (littmankrooks)

Step 4: When and how to escalate inside the school system

If things are not improving:

• Give the school a short, clear timeframe: many advocates suggest about 1–2 weeks after a formal report to see concrete action, unless there is serious violence. (empoweringparents)
• If bullying continues or the school does little or nothing, “go up the chain”:
  • Contact the principal (if you started with the teacher) with your documentation.
  • If you have already involved the principal, contact the district’s superintendent in writing and by phone. (advocatesforchildren)
  • You may also write to or attend your local school board with a concise written statement of the ongoing problem and lack of resolution. (reddit)
• In NYC, options include:
  • Reporting to the school’s Respect for All Liaison and principal,
  • Filing an online bullying complaint with the NYC Department of Education,
  • Call the Office of Safety and Youth Development or the Superintendent’s Office and ask for help ensuring investigations are completed and safety measures are put in place. (awhelpny)

What to say when you escalate:

• Emphasize safety and duty of care: that your child has a right to attend school without harassment or fear.
• Briefly list: what you reported, to whom, when, what the school promised, and what has or has not changed. (utahparentcenter)
• Clearly state what you are asking for now (e.g., “I am requesting a written safety plan and an investigation consistent with your anti-bullying policy within 10 school days.”) (ittmankrooks)

Step 5: When to involve outside agencies or legal help

Call the police or emergency services immediately if:

• There is physical assault, credible threats of serious violence, stalking, sexual assault, hate crimes, or other obvious criminal behavior. (susanclarklawgroup)
• Your child or another child is in immediate physical danger or making serious self-harm threats. (littmankrooks)

Consider a lawyer or formal complaints beyond the district when:

• The bullying is severe or ongoing despite repeated, documented reports to the teacher, principal, and superintendent. (understood)
• The bullying involves discrimination based on race, disability, religion, sex, gender identity, or other protected characteristics, which can trigger civil-rights protections. (cyberbullying)
• Your child has an IEP or 504 Plan and the bullying is interfering with access to a “free appropriate public education”; you can raise safety concerns at IEP/504 meetings and possibly seek additional services or placement changes. (susanclarklawgroup)

Possible escalation routes (often with help from an education or civil-rights attorney, or a local advocacy group):

• Filing a formal complaint under state anti-bullying laws or model policies (for example, DASA in New York requires investigations and reporting).
• Filing a complaint with your state education department, civil-rights agency, or the U.S. Department of Education’s Office for Civil Rights, depending on the nature of the harassment.
• Bringing a civil action in court in serious or persistent cases, on advice of counsel.

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About the author​

Harold Meyer established The A.D.D. Resource Center in 1993 to provide education, advocacy, and support for individuals with ADHD. He co-founded CHADD of New York, served as CHADD’s national treasurer, and was president of the Institute for the Advancement of ADHD Coaching. As an author and international speaker on ADHD, he has spoken at the American Psychiatric Association and CHADD National annual meetings, led school boards and task forces, delivered workshops for educators, and contributed to early online forums on ADHD resources. He can be reached at haroldmeyer@addrc.org

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