Harold Robert Meyer | The ADD Resource Center Published [03/12/2026]
“Tolerance is not a virtue we are born with — it is one we teach, one conversation at a time.”
When news of antisemitic attacks on synagogues or Jewish communities reaches your child’s ears — and it will — the question that follows is one of the most important you’ll face as a parent: Why do people hurt others because of who they are? This article offers guidance on how to answer that question honestly and compassionately, in age-appropriate ways that build empathy, critical thinking, and a commitment to standing up against hate. For children with ADHD — who often experience their own forms of stigma and exclusion — these conversations carry special resonance. Teaching tolerance isn’t a single talk. It’s an ongoing practice that begins at home.
Children with ADHD already know what it feels like to be misunderstood, judged unfairly, or left out. That lived experience gives them a unique capacity for empathy — and makes conversations about prejudice and hate both personally meaningful and developmentally important. When they see news reports of synagogues vandalized or Jewish communities targeted, their questions deserve honest answers. Silence doesn’t protect children from a difficult world. It leaves them to make sense of it alone, often with incomplete or frightening information. Engaging them thoughtfully builds resilience, moral clarity, and the courage to stand up for others.
Before you begin, find out what your child has already heard. Children are perceptive. They absorb news from television, social media, classmates, and overheard adult conversations — often with more anxiety and less context than we realize.
Start by asking open-ended questions: What did you hear? What do you think happened? How did it make you feel? Listen fully before you respond. Your child’s existing understanding — accurate or not — tells you where to begin.
For children with ADHD, emotional reactivity can make these conversations feel especially intense. They may respond with anger, fear, or a flood of questions. Give them space to feel those emotions without rushing to fix or explain. Being present is more important than having perfect words.
Young children need simple, honest language anchored in safety and fairness. You might say: “Some people, for reasons that are wrong and unkind, have been taught to blame or dislike Jewish people. That’s called antisemitism. It’s not fair, and it causes real hurt. What happened at that synagogue was wrong — and most people in our world believe that, too.”
Avoid graphic details while staying truthful. Emphasize that many helpers — community members, law enforcement, educators, and neighbors — are working to keep everyone safe. This is especially important for anxious children, including many with ADHD, who need concrete reassurance that adults are in charge of their protection.
Children in this age group can handle more historical context. Explain that antisemitism is one of the world’s oldest forms of prejudice — a pattern of blaming Jewish people for society’s problems that has persisted for centuries. You can discuss how it shows up in language, vandalism, violence, and systemic exclusion.
Ask what they already know about the Holocaust, Jewish history, or current events. Correct misinformation gently and factually. Encourage them to ask questions, even uncomfortable ones. Children who feel free to ask questions are less likely to fill in the gaps with fear or distorted information from peers.
Teens are ready for nuanced conversations about how hatred spreads, particularly online. Discuss how antisemitic content often appears in memes, coded language, and conspiracy theories on social media platforms they use every day. Help them recognize the warning signs of radicalization and extremist rhetoric.
Encourage them to reflect critically on what they see and share online. Teens who have experienced social rejection — a common experience for adolescents with ADHD — may be particularly vulnerable to online communities that offer belonging alongside hateful ideas. Keeping communication open is essential.
Children and adults with ADHD know firsthand what it means to be misread, dismissed, or judged by a label rather than seen as a whole person. This experience — while painful — creates an important bridge.
When talking with your child about antisemitism or any form of prejudice, draw that connection deliberately. “You know what it feels like when people don’t give you a fair chance because of something about how your brain works. Jewish people — and people of many other identities — sometimes face something like that, but on a much larger and more dangerous scale.”
This is not about equating ADHD stigma with targeted hatred. It is about using your child’s emotional knowledge as a doorway into deeper understanding. Empathy, once activated, tends to extend.
Many children may not know what a synagogue is. Explain that it is a Jewish house of worship — a sacred gathering place for prayer, community, and celebration — much like a church, mosque, or temple. Synagogues are targeted precisely because they represent the heart of Jewish communal life. Attacking one is an attempt to terrorize an entire community and erase its sense of safety and belonging.
You might also explain that Jewish identity is complex — it encompasses religion, culture, ethnicity, and history, all intertwined. Hatred of Jewish people isn’t about anything Jews have done. It is about fear, ignorance, and the human tendency to scapegoat groups that are perceived as “other.”
Children need two things simultaneously: honest acknowledgment that something frightening happened, and genuine reassurance that they are safe. Both can be true.
Let your children know that synagogues, schools, and Jewish institutions are often increasing security measures in response to rising threats, and talk about these efforts in a calm and factual way. Knowing that trusted adults are taking action can ease anxiety and restore a sense of control.
Avoid two common traps: minimizing (“It’s fine, don’t worry”) or catastrophizing (“The world is a terrible place”). Neither serves your child. Instead, aim for grounded honesty: “This is real, it is wrong, and many people — including us — are working to make things better.”
Watch for signs of distress that linger beyond the conversation — difficulty sleeping, reluctance to attend religious or community events, declining school performance, or increased irritability. Children with ADHD may experience these reactions more intensely. If concerns persist, speaking with a counselor or therapist can help.
Understanding is the first step. Action is the goal. Help your child move from passive awareness to active allyship with concrete, age-appropriate steps.
Speak up, not out. Teach children that when they hear someone say something hateful — even “just a joke” — they can respond calmly: “That’s not funny to me. It’s hurtful.” You don’t have to argue. Just name it.
Stand with, not just beside. Encourage your child to befriend, include, and defend classmates who are targeted or left out — whether because of their religion, race, disability, or any other identity.
Learn and share. Read books together, watch age-appropriate documentaries, and explore Jewish history, culture, and contributions. Understanding a community’s full humanity is a powerful antidote to dehumanization.
Model it daily. Children learn tolerance from watching you. How do you talk about people who are different from your family? How do you respond when you hear a slur? Your everyday choices are the loudest lessons.
Do your best to avoid detailed news coverage around young children, and take in what you need and then limit the rest. Too much exposure to graphic or alarming news coverage can elevate anxiety in children of all neurotypes — and significantly so in children with ADHD, whose nervous systems are often more reactive.
For older children and teens, co-view media when possible. Discuss what you see together rather than leaving them to process disturbing content alone. Ask questions: “What do you think about that? Does that seem fair? What would you do?”
“Children with ADHD are often the first in a classroom to feel excluded, misunderstood, or unfairly judged. That experience, as painful as it is, holds within it a gift: the capacity for genuine empathy. When we teach our children to connect their own struggles to the struggles of others — Jewish people, people of color, people with disabilities, anyone who has been targeted because of who they are — we give them something that cannot be taken away: a moral compass. Tolerance isn’t passive. It is a daily practice. And it starts with the courage to have honest conversations at home.” — Harold Meyer, Founder, The ADD Resource Center
When your child asks why people attack synagogues or hate Jewish people, they are asking something much bigger: Why do people hate at all? There is no tidy answer. But there is a truthful, age-appropriate, and compassionate one — and giving it to your child is one of the most important things you can do. Children with ADHD bring a deep well of emotional experience to these conversations. Channel it. Use it. It is not a liability. It is the beginning of wisdom.
Visit https://www.addrc.org for additional resources on raising empathetic, resilient children with ADHD.
Anti-Defamation League. (2024). Responding to antisemitism: Resources for families and educators. ADL. https://www.adl.org
Center for Children and Youth, JFCS. (2025). Talking to children about antisemitism and hate crimes. https://ccy.jfcs.org/talking-to-children-about-anti-semitism-and-hate-crimes/
Meyer, H. R. (2026). The ADD Resource Center. https://www.addrc.org
National Child Traumatic Stress Network. (2023). Talking to children about hate crimes and antisemitism. NCTSN. https://www.nctsn.org
UNICEF. (2024). How to talk to your children about hate speech. https://www.unicef.org/parenting/how-talk-your-children-about-hate-speech
Explore more at the ADD Resource Center — https://www.addrc.org
Additional external resources:
Harold Meyer established The A.D.D. Resource Center in 1993 to provide ADHD education, advocacy, and support. He co-founded CHADD of New York, served as CHADD’s national treasurer, and was president of the Institute for the Advancement of ADHD Coaching. As a writer and international speaker on ADHD, he has presented at the American Psychiatric Association Annual Meeting, the CHADD International Conference, and ADHD conferences overseas. He has also led school boards and task forces, conducted workshops for educators, worked in advertising and technology consulting, and contributed to early online ADHD forums.
Our content is intended for educational and informational purposes only and does not replace professional advice. While we strive for accuracy, mistakes or omissions may occur. Some content may be partially generated by artificial intelligence tools, which can lead to inaccuracies. Readers should verify the information themselves.
©2026 Harold R. Meyer/The ADD Resource Center. All rights reserved.
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