Harold Robert Meyer | The ADD Resource Center 07/31/2025
Listen to understand, rather than to reply.
We all make parenting mistakes, especially during stressful moments when emotions run high. If you’ve made an unfair threat or imposed an inappropriate consequence, you can repair the damage through a structured, sincere apology. This guide provides a seven-step approach to acknowledging your mistake, taking responsibility, and rebuilding trust with your child. Research shows that parents who apologize meaningfully actually strengthen their authority and teach valuable lessons about accountability and emotional intelligence.
Parenting in today’s world is challenging, and for families dealing with ADHD, emotional regulation can be particularly difficult. When you’re overwhelmed, stressed, or caught off-guard, it’s easy to react with threats or consequences that don’t fit the situation. Maybe you threatened to cancel a birthday party over a minor infraction, or you imposed a punishment that was clearly too harsh.
These moments don’t make you a bad parent—they make you human. What matters is how you handle the aftermath. Children, especially those with ADHD who may already struggle with emotional regulation, need to see that adults can acknowledge mistakes and make things right. Your willingness to apologize teaches crucial life skills and strengthens your relationship in ways that simply “moving on” never could.
Start by validating your child’s emotional response to your unfair threatment. Say something like, “I know what I said upset you, (or was overly harsh) and I’m sorry for that.” This step helps your child feel seen and understood, which is crucial for beginning the repair process.
Children need to know their emotions matter. When you acknowledge their feelings first, you’re showing empathy and creating a safe space for healing.
Be specific about your mistake without making excuses. For example, “I was wrong to threaten to ground you for a month over forgetting your homework. It was unfair, and I shouldn’t have said that.”
Avoid conditional apologies like “I’m sorry, but you made me angry.” These undermine the sincerity of your apology and shift blame back to your child. Taking full responsibility teaches accountability and shows maturity.
Provide brief context for your behavior, but ensure it doesn’t shift blame or excuse your actions. You might say, “I was feeling stressed about work deadlines, but that doesn’t make it okay to say something unfair to you.”
This step humanizes you and shows that everyone makes mistakes when they’re overwhelmed. It helps your child understand that emotions can affect behavior without excusing inappropriate responses.
Promise to handle similar situations differently in the future. Be specific about your plan: “Next time I feel that frustrated, I’ll take a few deep breaths and think before I speak, so I don’t say something I don’t mean.”
This reassures your child that you’re actively working to prevent similar situations. It also models how to learn from mistakes and make positive changes.
Keep your apology simple and genuine. Something like, “I’m sorry for what I said. It was wrong, and I won’t do it again” is more powerful than a lengthy explanation that might dilute your message.
Over-explaining can make your apology seem less sincere. Focus on clarity and authenticity rather than trying to cover every detail.
Ask your child how you can help repair the situation. You might say, “Is there something I can do to make this better? Maybe we can spend some extra time together doing something you enjoy.”
This step shows you’re willing to put effort into repairing the relationship. It also gives your child some control back after a situation where they felt powerless.
Make sure to include the actual words “I’m sorry” in your apology. Research consistently shows that children need to hear these specific words to feel that you truly regret your actions.
These words carry emotional weight that other phrases like “I made a mistake” or “That wasn’t right” simply can’t replace.
After your apology, consider implementing positive alternatives to threats in the future. Instead of ultimatums, try:
Positive Framing: Flip potential threats into positive outcomes. Rather than “Clean your room or you’re grounded,” try “Let’s get your room cleaned up so we can have time for that game you wanted to play.”
Offering Choices: Give your child control by providing options. “Would you like to clean up the toys first or put away the books first?” reduces power struggles while maintaining boundaries.
Natural Consequences: Use consequences that relate directly to the behavior. If your child throws toys, the toys get put away. If they don’t finish homework, they miss screen time until it’s complete.
Research from psychology and child development experts shows that apologizing to your child creates multiple positive outcomes:
Teaches Responsibility: You model how to own up to mistakes, showing your child that accountability is a strength, not a weakness.
Strengthens Emotional Intelligence: The process fosters empathy and emotional awareness in both you and your child.
Builds Trust: Your child learns they can rely on you to be fair and honest, even when admitting fault.
Encourages Growth: You demonstrate that everyone can learn from errors and become better people.
These benefits are particularly important for families dealing with ADHD, where emotional regulation and trust-building may require extra attention and patience.
Apologize as soon as you realize your mistake, but make sure you’re calm enough to keep the apology genuine. If you’re still emotional, take a few minutes to collect yourself first.
Most importantly, follow through on your commitment to change. If you promise to handle situations differently, make sure you do so consistently. Empty promises can damage trust more than the original mistake.
Remember that perfect parenting doesn’t exist. What matters is your willingness to acknowledge mistakes and work to repair relationships. Children learn more from watching you handle your mistakes gracefully than they ever would from a parent who never admits fault.
Your apology isn’t just about fixing one moment—it’s about teaching your child how to navigate relationships, handle conflicts, and maintain integrity throughout their life.
Meyer, H. . ADHD and Family Dynamics: Building Stronger Relationships. ADD Resource Center.
Parents.com.. 7 Effective Ways to Apologize to Your Kids. Meredith Corporation.
Psychology Today. . How and When to Apologize to Your Child. Sussex Publishers.
Disclaimer: Our content is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. While we strive for accuracy, errors or omissions may occur. Content may be generated with artificial intelligence tools, which can produce inaccuracies. Readers are encouraged to verify information independently.
Evidence-based ADHD, business, career, and life coaching and consultation for individuals, couples, groups, and corporate clients.
Empowering growth through personalized guidance and strategies.
Contact Information
Email: info@addrc.org
Phone: +1 (646) 205-8080
Address: 127 West 83rd St., Unit 133, Planetarium Station, New York, NY, 10024-0840 USA
Follow Us: Facebook | “X” | LinkedIn | Substack | ADHD Research and Innovation
Newsletter & Community
Join our community and subscribe to our newsletter for the latest resources and insights.
To unsubscribe, email addrc@mail.com with “Unsubscribe” in the subject line. We’ll promptly remove you from our list.
Harold Meyer
The ADD Resource Center, Inc.
Email: HaroldMeyer@addrc.org
Legal
Privacy Policy
Under GDPR and CCPA, you have the right to access, correct, or delete your personal data. Contact us at info@addrc.org for requests or inquiries.
This article offers you practical, evidence-based strategies combining sleep hygiene and bedtime meditation to calm…
Living with ADHD means navigating unique challenges that traditional approaches don't always address. While medication…
Approaching an insurance carrier to inquire about coverage for a specific service requires preparation and…
The intersection of ADHD and high empathy affects millions of people, yet it remains largely…
our child's ability to attend school this fall may depend on completing required vaccinations before…
Exercise is a cornerstone of physical and mental health, but busy schedules and conflicting advice…
