Okay, so your child/husband/wife/companion, etc. leaves for the day and you discover a number of things that were supposed to be done, but weren’t (taking out the garbage, making the bed, etc.). You’re probably annoyed. Make that really annoyed. Especially if it happens frequently (and given the poor memory, distractibility, avoidance tendencies and lateness problems that many people with ADHD are prone to, it probably does happen with irritating frequency).
Later that day: He or she walks in the door… you’re poised to complain (attack!). Justifiable, probably. Smart, no. It’s tough, but refrain from complaining the second he/she returns home. Make the arrival positive – for both of you. Reinforce that you’re actually pleased to see the person (hate the sin, love the sinner). You have every right to say how you feel about the missed chores, but save it for later (and then say it from your point of view, without attacking the offender – “When you [fill in the blanks], I feel that….”
Remind yourself that if a person believes they’ll be criticized every time they step foot in the door, they’ll soon dread returning home.
Susan Lasky is a both Board Certified and Senior Certified ADHD Coach.
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