Harold Meyer and Susan Lasky Rev 4/30/2025
Dear Mom and Dad,
Don’t spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not to have all that I ask for. I’m only testing you. Love isn’t measured by the gifts you bestow on me, but by how you listen to me, respect me, and guide me as I grow.
Don’t be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it—it makes me feel secure and helps me learn boundaries. Don’t let me form bad habits. I have to rely on you to detect them early.
Don’t make me feel smaller than I am. It only makes me behave foolishly “big.” My self-esteem is fragile.
Don’t try to discuss my behavior in the heat of the moment. My hearing isn’t very good then, and my cooperation is even worse. Your objectivity isn’t at its best either.
Don’t correct me in front of others if you can help it. Don’t make me feel that my mistakes are sins. It upsets my sense of values. We all make mistakes. Help me learn from mine rather than suffer because of them.
Don’t protect me from consequences. I need to learn the painful way sometimes.
Don’t be too upset when I say I hate you. It isn’t you I hate but your power to thwart me and my fear of losing control. I know that words and actions can hurt more than physical abuse. We both need to try harder.
Don’t take too much notice of my complaints. Sometimes they get me attention, but we both know I’d be better off getting attention in healthier ways.
Don’t ignore bad habits. They are warning signs that we have a problem.
Don’t nag. If you do, I’ll protect myself by appearing deaf.
Don’t forget that I cannot explain myself as well as I’d like. This is why I’m not always accurate. Many times I do things without knowing why. They weren’t meant to hurt you or me.
Don’t put me off when I ask questions. If you do, I’ll stop asking you and seek information elsewhere.
Don’t be inconsistent. That confuses me and makes me lose faith in you.
Don’t tell me my fears are silly. They are terrifying and real to me. You can reassure me if you understand.
Don’t suggest that you are perfect or infallible. It gives me too great a shock when I discover that you are neither. No one is perfect, nor always right or wrong. That’s okay. Help me learn to know the difference.
Don’t ever think it’s beneath your dignity to apologize to me. An honest apology makes me feel surprisingly warm toward you.
Don’t use force with me. I respond better to being led than to force or ultimatums.
Don’t forget how quickly I’m growing up. It must be difficult for you to keep pace with me, but please try. Help me grow.
Don’t forget that I don’t thrive without lots of love and understanding, but I don’t need to tell you that. Love isn’t smothering but providing examples.
Don’t make promises you cannot keep. Remember that I feel badly when promises are broken.
I’m sorry for the words I spoke and the promises I made that I couldn’t keep. I’m sorry for all the things I meant to do and did not; for the things I tried to do and did not succeed in doing.
We must hold fast to our dreams
For if dreams die
Life is like a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.
Hold fast to our dreams For when dreams go
Life is a barren field Frozen with snow.
(Langston Hughes)
Please keep yourself fit and healthy. I need you!
(To our son: We love you so much.)